Disappeared

Not sure what happened with my last post, all the way back in June.

The summer was good, we had no choice but to put both boys into the summer day camp program at their school, with 15-20 other kids. I had all kinds of concerns about that, but it turned out to be the best summer plan we have had since they started to school.

My Big Boy matured a ton over the summer. Several people at school have commented on how much he has grown up. He can SIT at his desk now. He has even commented that the kids like him more this year. The first 9 weeks ends tomorrow, and he has an A in conduct! Not an F, not a D, but an A!

His teacher is a God-send. She is familiar with adoption, and an adoptive parent herself. She doesn’t expect him to fit into her opinion of the perfect student. She doesn’t mind redirecting and has commented often on his sweet nature. What a breath of fresh air. I am scheduled to meet with her tomorrow, to make sure there is nothing I need to know before Tuesday’s appointment.

Tuesday’s appointment…. Seems kind of pointless now. We finally got in with the clinic we reapplied for last school year, now that he is settled and doing quite well. We are still attending, because I can’t say he has zero issues, but I look for them to tell us the same thing they said after his first evaluation: he is doing fine, nothing diagnosable, keep doing what you are doing and call us if something starts again.

Why the sudden change? How does a kid go from wildest in the class to calm and well-behaved in 2-3 months? Now, he still has his moments, still gets stuck on one subject for days, still has anxiety, still asks to meet his birth mom, still has (much more mild) behavior problems after seeing his foster mom, but nothing like before. His more severe and concerning behaviors just… Stopped. I have a theory.

I always thought that once we made it to the point that he had been *with* us for as long as he had been *without* us, that we would see a drastic change. So far, it appears I was right. Again, not perfect, but manageable. On the morning of his 9th birthday, this was our conversation:

Me: “Happy birthday, my big boy! I love you!”

BB: “MAMA! You mean, I am 9, TODAY?”

“Yes, baby boy, today is your birthday! How can you already be 9?”

“Wow… So that means I have been in my family for 5 years?!?! That is AWESOME!!”

4 and a half, but who is counting? Nobody mentioned it. We had not been discussing adoption or gotcha day or how long we have had them, but he just knew. I had no idea how conscious he was of the fact that he had been with us for whatever length of time.

And right around that time was when the switch flipped.

Now I’m not naive enough to believe we are done (or maybe I’m jaded enough to not believe it), and I kind of feel like we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop… We are, after all, entering the time of year that his behavior has historically plunged. Overall, birth mother issues aside, life is much more do-able with this kid.

Oh, and The Little Guy has settled into first grade, second round just fine. He loves his teacher, he loves his classmates, and he is just our happy little guy. Getting taller, gaining maturity, and doing just fine academically.

Oh, and my husband has a job for 3-4 more weeks. Yikes! His branch is closing, there are no other positions similar to his locally, and he is not interested in spending 3 hours a day in the car to keep his benefits. He has an interview lined up, but right now we’re just not sure what will happen.

Perhaps I shouldn’t disappear for so long again?

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